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Rice Declares War on Alternative Carbohydrates

Alternative Carbohydrates might have had their chips
Rice vs Noodle Satire from Matt Bowden

Reuters, London and New York: The US Secretary of State, Condoleeza Basmati Rice, today revealed the Shrub Administration’s plans to eradicate all sources of carbohydrate except rice.

“Noodles, Bread, Pasta, Potatoes and Semolina have for too long cowed us into submission.” explained Rice. “The rice-eating nations of the world need to work together to overcome the obstacles that dangerous noodles pose to our freedom.”

A recent Rice House leak revealed that President Shrub and Rice have both been splashed, and had their shirts stained by, unruly ‘insurgent’ strands of spaghetti in the last two months. There is speculation, however, that the President could have avoided these unfortunate incidents had he remembered to wear his bib.

Chinese Foreign Ministry Spokesman, Huan Ke, reiterated his country’s standpoint on the matter, stating that: “We respect the rights of each country to choose their own type of carbohydrate. Rice cannot be forced on a country from outside; it must be grown organically.”

Rice refused to answer questions in relation to rice noodles, which pose an awkward paradox for the Shrub Administration’s policy.

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